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The Dream17 Vending Machine

Sit yourselves down in here and have a chinwag about whatever takes your fancy.

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Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine

Postby Cisken1 » Sun Dec 06, 2015 2:00 am

The drinks machine rattles pretty loudly for a few seconds and with a *SPWEH* a wierd looking glowing bottle flies out.

You pick it up and decide to take a sip.

Congratulations, you're now glowing blue.

The Kerdern Mershern's display reads "ERMAGHERD LEL, REDERRIACTIVE SMERRFF!"

I decide to smash both machines togheter to see what happens...
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Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine

Postby Pooka » Sun Dec 13, 2015 9:07 pm

Both machines crash together under your ministrations. One is much stronger than the other and the weaker one is completely wrecked. Strangely enough, it is not broken into numerous smaller pieces - as a wreck is wont to be - rather it is compacted into a small, metallic disc, containing all the density, but none of the size, of the machine it once was.

The other machine is unharmed and dispenses a small bar of chocolate.

I am walking past and notice that the small disc resembles a coin. I pick it up, and insert it.
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Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine

Postby ViceroyOfMonteCristo » Mon Dec 14, 2015 12:06 am

The machine spits out a small can of "Cadbubbly Creme (Egg) Soda". When you first start drinking, it tastes quite chocolatey, then as you get to the middle of the can turns into more of a creamy flavor. Once you've reached near the end of the can though you find that there is a small layer of chocolate precipitate, as though the drink was made from a powder that didn't quite dissolve fully. It tastes like pure cocoa powder, but is still somewhat sweet.

I drop in an American dollar, folded up like a paper plane.
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Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine

Postby Cisken1 » Mon Dec 21, 2015 1:53 pm

The dollar shoots out again flying away in the distance.

You just wasted a dollar...

I instert a 1 Euro piece.
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Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine

Postby Zeor » Mon Dec 21, 2015 6:12 pm

You receive the rest of my sandwich. It's pretty good, I'm just full.

I insert $1.35.
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Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine

Postby Slick » Wed Dec 23, 2015 4:15 pm

You receive a whole doughnut and 35% of a can of root beer.At this point you're just happy that something eatable came out. The amount of root beer was just enough to satisfy. All in all, it was a nice combination too - surprisingly.

You are about to walk away but turn around so you can pay it forward. You insert a chocolate coin.
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Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine

Postby Worm Mad » Wed Dec 23, 2015 5:40 pm

A Christmas tree squeezes out of the machine. It's a tight fit and by the time it's out, all the pine needles have fallen off. Despite this, you are delighted by your bare, ugly, tree and take it home to hang up in your bare, ugly, living room.

I walk up and jam a special home-made coin I call a Coinible into the slot.
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Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine

Postby Cisken1 » Thu Dec 24, 2015 3:37 pm

Worm Mad wrote:I walk up and jam a special home-made coin I call a Coinible into the slot.



The machine rattles and creaks and gives you "the eternal can of mistery", no body knows what's in it for the label has long since gone!

You decide to just open it and have a sip, it's diet coke. Plain old diet coke.

I eat the rest of Zeor's sammich (yum) and insert the napkin it came with.
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Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine

Postby Pooka » Tue Dec 29, 2015 2:34 pm

You receive a packet of an anti-spasmodic medication known as mebeverine hydrochloride.

I come in carrying a short, thin girl named Laura on my shoulders. I am experiencing incredible abdominal pain and moan so pitifully that you give me some of the medicine. I take it, but it has no effect. You shrug and walk off, not noticing Laura or acknowledging her presence.

I'm still in pain. Laura passes me down a coin and I insert it.
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Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine

Postby ViceroyOfMonteCristo » Tue Dec 29, 2015 5:52 pm

The machine convulses for a few seconds, then fires a boot into your stomach. You drop to your knees in pain and pass out. The machine plays a small sound clip of a sitcom laugh track. Turns out violence IS always funny!

Laura, now standing over your crumpled body, puts in a coin as well.
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Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine

Postby Zeor » Tue Dec 29, 2015 6:14 pm

The machine fails to recognize the questionably-existent Laura, and due to unhandled logic, dispenses a null item. For some reason, this empty zone of space is unfathomably heavy, and immediately drops straight to the molten core of the planet.

Nothing else interesting happens.

I drop a big square of particle board over the hole and insert a coin.
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Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine

Postby Pooka » Wed Jan 06, 2016 12:39 pm

You receive the complete antithesis of all that is yourself, personified into an abstract human-like being.

oreZ walks forward and outstretches his hand. You instinctively touch him with your own and the resultant meeting of two complete opposites triggers an entire phaseshift. The universe condenses into an infinitely dense dot and then the Big Bang starts anew. Billions of years are re-enacted in mere seconds.

The new universe is identical to the old one, except for two things: oreZ is no longer there and there's one extra button on the vending machine which claims to dispense Gatorade.

I haven't noticed any of this, and insert a coin.
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Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine

Postby Zeor » Wed Jan 06, 2016 6:01 pm

You get a Gatorade. You drink it and are refreshed.

Unbeknownst to you, it was actually antiGatorade. Effectively the same thing, but you better not drink a regular Gatorade unless you want to take out half of the planet.

I insert a coin.
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Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine

Postby Star and Moon » Wed Jan 06, 2016 11:20 pm

You receive a Coke knockoff you've never heard of before.

It tastes pretty much just like Coke.

I insert an anti coin, also called a nioc.
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Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine

Postby Cisken1 » Fri Jan 08, 2016 5:33 pm

A small planet plops out of the machine.

Congratulations! You are now a god of a small planet! (edit: Really, the G-word is censored?)

I stomp in one of my cigar buds.
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Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine

Postby Star and Moon » Sat Jan 09, 2016 6:19 pm

You receive a bottle of Windex. "Blech!" you say after drinking it. It turns out it's not filled with Windex, but rather blue sports drink. You feel cheated.

After years of tending to my new planet, they've finally surpassed us in technology. I command them to recreate an American Quarter and use SCIENCE FICTION to enlarge it so I can fit it into the slot.
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Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine

Postby SupSuper » Sun Jan 10, 2016 4:01 pm

Cisken1 wrote:(edit: Really, the G-word is censored?)

It's less censoring and more legacy hijinks.
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Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine

Postby Pooka » Mon Jan 11, 2016 8:00 pm

There is a moment of silence and, after a while, the machine coughs out an entire copy of the Dream17 Forum Legacy Bible. It contains all sorts of auto-corrections and the right circumstances for administration of a Finger Wagging.

You helpfully pass it to SupSuper, who reads a section out to Cisken1:

SupSuper wrote:It's less censoring and more legacy hijinks.


Everyone now looks pleased and wanders off. All is peaceful.

Time passes.

One day later, I walk in and notice the area empty and devoid of life. The vending machine is emitting a friendly glow at me, so I insert a coin.
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Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine

Postby Zeor » Tue Jan 12, 2016 12:23 am

SupSuper wrote:
Cisken1 wrote:(edit: Really, the G-word is censored?)

It's less censoring and more legacy hijinks.

Going pretty off-topic here but I'm seriously asking now. Can we turn this shit off? It wasn't even funny once. It just stupidly disrupts whatever else someone was trying to say. It actually cancels out things that would otherwise have been funny.

Meanwhile, Pooka receives a little sheet of construction paper with macaroni glued to it in the shape of a smiley face. The machine cares not for word swapping or the frustrations generated thereby. It only knows love.

Huh. I want some. I insert a coin.
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Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine

Postby SupSuper » Tue Jan 12, 2016 12:03 pm

End of an era.

The machine suddenly comes to life. It starts cursing at you like you've never heard before. "What the fuck do you think you're doing, constantly inserting coins into me like I'm some broken wishing well? Are you some goddamn twat called alicia1? What do you think this is, Canada? Why I-". The machine cuts off, presumably that's as much as a coin will get you.

Wow, rude. You're not really sure it made any sense, but the sheer shock is enough to rewrite history. You feel like a new man, a more mature individual. You won't let such petty insults affect you.

You insert a coin.
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