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The Dream17 Vending Machine

Sit yourselves down in here and have a chinwag about whatever takes your fancy.

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Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine

Postby Zeor » Tue Nov 03, 2015 4:56 pm

You receive the drink you asked for, apparently in a totally normal, not weird, not space/time violating, not jokey fashion. You inspect the can for a few minutes, then crack it open and prepare to take a good healthy swig.

At that moment, some guy passes through and, with a thick Boston accent, remarks that that sure looks like a wicked refreshing tonic.

You stare dubiously at the beverage. Tonic?

I waddle up to the machine in a thoroughly sticky scuba suit, insert a coin (not sure where I was keeping it), and push one of the buttons at random.
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Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine

Postby Worm Mad » Wed Nov 04, 2015 2:11 am

You get a can of...Drink? That's awfully non-descriptive. Still, you open it up and take a swig.

It tastes of bitter disappointment, nostalgia, and regret. A solitary tear rolls down your cheek. You never told the original vending machine you loved it. :(

I saunter up, take a coin out of my pocket and pop it in the slot. Now for a choice. Hmm... I can't decide. Ah, to hell with it. I throw my body at all the buttons simultaneously.
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Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine

Postby Zeor » Wed Nov 04, 2015 2:20 am

Hilariously, the machine jams.

Wait, this isn't funny at all. It's just kind of a pain in the crap. Now nobody can get a drink.

A technician arrives several hours later and spends about an hour fixing it. You try to joke around with him, but he doesn't have much of a sense of humor. All of this was totally unpleasant for everyone. You resolve to treat vending machines with more respect.

Once the machine's back online, I try desperately to order a simple and specific orange soda.
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Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine

Postby Star and Moon » Wed Nov 04, 2015 3:14 am

You receive an ordinary orange soda. Unfortunately, ordinary orange sodas are super saturated and your tongue is now permanently orange.

I insert a coin, and hit the Sprite (or sprite knockoff) option.
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Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine

Postby Pilger » Wed Nov 04, 2015 4:22 am

You recieve this
sprite.png
sprite.png (1.08 KiB) Viewed 2686 times


As I watch you baffle, confused about what just happened, I insert a dollar bill.
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Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine

Postby Zeor » Wed Nov 04, 2015 4:34 am

The machine takes a moment to process that it was just given money but no apparent order for what to do with it. It's forced to assume the dollar is simply a gift. The machine suddenly understands currency, which is to say that currency runs everything in the entire world and that it wants more of it. It comes up with a great plan in its head; a ludicrously profitable business venture that'll make it a millionaire before the year is out!

Too bad it doesn't have a mouth or appendages or anything. The machine sits around with its dollar and wonders why life is so cruel.

Then it remembers that it isn't technically alive, so, really all of this was no big deal.

I spend about an hour trying to throw coins into the slot, then decided to just put one in normalways and try again to order a cola. I might have some sort of problem.
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Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine

Postby Slick » Wed Nov 04, 2015 4:54 pm

You receive a cola. You start to drink it and then a somber feeling comes into your mind.
You realize you have a drinking problem and you're addicted to sugary beverages.
You're insulin spikes and you vomit - while running out of the room.

I see the cola vomit on the floor and I'm disgusted by it. Suddenly I feel the need to get a drink.
Instead of being restricted to the menu on the machine I insert a coin and ask for "one alcohol please".
If you can read this....your not blind.
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Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine

Postby Pilger » Wed Nov 04, 2015 5:08 pm

You receive a gallon of Isopropyl Alcohol. Since it's not edible, you figured the machine thought you wanted to clean the vomited room with it. And so you do.

As you rub the floor clean, I step in leaving mud tracks, insert a 1 euro coin and press the Cappuccino button.
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Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine

Postby Star and Moon » Wed Nov 04, 2015 11:37 pm

You accidentally hit the "random" button. A prompt appears on the screen that the vending machine suddenly has, "Are you sure you want to continue? Y or N?" Curious, you press the Y, and the machine starts spits out a drink. It turns out you've received a cup of cappuccino at random. How about that!

I put a coin in the machine and hit the random button, not quite sure what to drink.
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Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine

Postby Worm Mad » Thu Nov 05, 2015 1:39 pm

You receive a bottle of Elderberry cordial in a fancy glass bottle. Classy! Sadly, you're not in to classy drinks so discard of it after one swig. What a waste!

I notice that a chocolate vending machine has been delivered overnight and is now sat next to the drinks machine.

Feeling peckish, I walk up to the new machine, stick in a coin and order a Twix.
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Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine

Postby Slick » Thu Nov 05, 2015 3:23 pm

You here a clank and at the bottom you pull out your candy. You notice before eating it that the wrapper says Twax instead of Twix.
Upon closer examination you see that this ins't a candy bar machine, rather it's a caindy ber mershern.
You walk away eating your "Twax ber". It has a loud crunching sound when you chew.

I walk up to the new machine and insert a coin for a Hurshers ber.
If you can read this....your not blind.
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Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine

Postby Zeor » Thu Nov 05, 2015 6:02 pm

You get a bar of Sprite.

Maybe these machines shouldn't be next to each other.

I decide to give the mershern a shot anyway. I put in a coin and press some random combination of buttons. Snorkers, Twax, Crenk, maybe even Munts, it's all good.
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Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine

Postby Star and Moon » Fri Nov 06, 2015 12:14 am

You get a package of Uruos. They're U shaped cookies that are white and filled with creme that's as black as a moonless night. You assume it's basically inverse Oreos.

However, upon biting into one, you discover it's mint and licorice flavored.

I insert a coin into the snack vending machine.
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Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine

Postby Slick » Fri Nov 06, 2015 3:03 pm

You receive a snerk. Not sure what that is. It just says snerk berr. It has the consistency of an oatmeal pie cookie but tastes like waffles. The list of ingredients cover the front and back side of the packaging with three active ingredients of Bone Meal, Saw Dust and industrial Strength Mayonnaise.

Of course now I'm tempted for something out of the machine as well and I insert 3 coins for better snerk.
If you can read this....your not blind.
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Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine

Postby Zeor » Fri Nov 06, 2015 6:22 pm

You get an amorphous object loosely enclosed in a wrapper proclaiming it to be a "Smjghruntftz" bar. You hesitantly unwrap it. It looks like somebody scribbled on a piece of paper, then somehow Tronned that scribble into 3-dimensional reality and then coated it in chocolate. It smells like a shoe.

Being the adventurous sort, you dig in anyway. English doesn't have any words that mean its flavor, and its consistency is like folded bubble wrap except a bit easier to bite.

That said, it's not actually all that unpleasant once you know what to expect.

Hmm. Let me try that with two coins.
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Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine

Postby Slick » Tue Nov 10, 2015 7:57 pm

You receive a Twax Ber.
You laugh at the sloggen "Gemmer a berk".
"That was almost worth paying double for" you say to yourself a single tear rolls down your cheek.


I'm not hungry or thirsty but I don't care. I put one coin into both the Cerdy Ber Mershern and the Soda Pop machine at the same time.
If you can read this....your not blind.
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Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine

Postby Pilger » Wed Nov 11, 2015 4:38 pm

You get a Perpserh from the Kerdern Mershern and a pack of M&Ms from the Soda Machine. Suspicious about it all, you decide to drink the M&Ms and eat the Perpersh.

I write a check for 1 dollar and insert into the Kerdern Mershern and press the a button with my nose, the one closest to my nose.
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Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine

Postby Zeor » Wed Nov 11, 2015 6:07 pm

The mershern prints the following note:

"Tharnx 4 chekk. Pliffs wate 6-4 bidnus dayze. we gota carsh it"

Guh, no wonder nobody uses checks anymore.

I'm a little light, so I'll just write "IOU: 1 buck" on a napkin and stick it in the slot there, then try to order a Snorkers brh.
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Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine

Postby Star and Moon » Wed Nov 11, 2015 11:27 pm

You recieve a Snerkors berr.

Tastes like ripoff.

I insert a coin into the drink machine while having an intense staredown with the cerndy merchern,
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Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine

Postby Worm Mad » Fri Nov 13, 2015 11:48 am

You receive a can of Mountain Dew. It doesn't taste like the soft drink normally does though. It tastes more like someone has gone to an actual mountain and collected some dew.

The merchern d'candy meanwhile has printed out a strange note: "Y u no liek mii? Sellz good cerndy!"

Determined to annoy the chocolatte munchkin even more, I too put a coin in the drinks machine.
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